Fédération Internationale de Pen Licence Licensing (FIPLL) has issued an urgent statement: illegal pen use by adults (sans pen licence) has reached PENdemic levels, resulting in sloppy, uneven, and unreadable handwriting. FIPLL recognises the critical need to bring adult pen use under our strict regulatory control. In response, FIPLL has granted pen licences to all young people aged 18 and under, officially designating them as FIPLL Special PENvoys. This grants them sole authority to issue—or revoke—Pen Licences for anyone over 18. Assessments take place at our Random Pen Testing facilities and through the support of various (unnamed) International Federations; FIPPL will be utilising M.A.R. (Microphone Assistant Referee) Technology to ensure the integrity of the testing process in support of our Special PENvoys and their final verdict: PASS or FAIL. You should pencil this in your diary… neatly.